I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
