I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
