my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
