1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
that's an acceptable place to lick
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
