I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
