I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
