I looked at my own cervix.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
