I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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