and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
