Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
