it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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