my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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