I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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