I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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