Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
