Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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