a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i dont even know how to be here
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
