i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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