You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
