he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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