All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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