Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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