Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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