i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
