I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
