Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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