woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
