You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Too much gin, very little bucket
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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