Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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