I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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