so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
