I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
