tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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