Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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