Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
