That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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