giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
