a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
