You just made me feel so damn special
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
