I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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