i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
