i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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