I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
