Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i think i just lost a toe
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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