your parents love me but you hate me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
