I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Me too!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
