Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
