I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
