I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
