drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
