I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
