There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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